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MARRIAGE
Discerning a marriage vocation
Marriage is a vocation and a sacrament. It is a covenant
relationship between a man and a woman. With the responsibilities
comes the grace to fulfill them. This grace is called
the "grace of the state of life." This grace gives us
the boundary in which to operate. To some it may seem
a limitation. However, it is a great gift from the Lord
to ensure our spiritual-progress and above all our salvation.
For a detailed explanation of discerning vocations please
go to: VOCATIONAL DISCERNMENT
Courtship
Below you will find some guidelines to follow during
this period of courtship. Both partners must be aware
that that are marrying a human who is not perfect. Yet,
each person enters into a relationship with some form
of expectations. Being aware of these expectations and
sharing them with one another may avoid conflict in
the future. This period of courtship is also a time
of formation. If one recognizes that he/she lacks a
particular quality or discipline, then this would be
a good time to work on it. If an individual has had
painful experiences; this would be a time for healing,
seeking counselling or the necessary help needed. Courtship,
actually, is a continual process of discovery and sharing
throughout the entire life of a marriage, from the time
you meet, through the time you exhange your vows to
the day when you bury your loved one - and the key word
is "communication." Being able to discuss "heart to
heart" what each other thinks and feels - without prejudice
or judgement - in regards to all matters - big and small.
This only strengthens and improves the bond between
husband and wife.
- Engagement:
This ceremony usually begins the courtship period.
The priest or deacon is present to bless this beginning.
For the couple see to base thier married life on
the Lord. They invite family and friends to seek
their love and support during this time of searching
and understanding.
- Look
for lasting values and not only at the exterior.
- Check
to see if your partner prays, goes to Mass, Confession
and is obedient to the Church?
- Seek
for a companion, who will understand. Does the couple
feel comfortable to communicate freely? Is there
a problem of trusting? Does one person have the
problem of talking too much and not listening? Or
does the person have a problem of expressing himself
or herself in anyway?
- Your
partner must be one who will bring the best out
of you. Watch for negativism or an attitude of constantly
finding faults.
- Can
you see in your partner qualities that compliment
yours?
- Does
your partner have a sense of humor? Does he/she
have a balanced life-style of prayer, exercise,
fun, healthy food habits, rest and adventure?
- As
a woman you look to the man you marry to see if
he can truly be a provider for the family. Watch
for signs of any addiction or character defects
that may bother you and be a bad example to the
children.
- As
a man look for a woman who knows how to run a home.
Someone who will with her warmth and love be able
to provide for you and the children a home. How
does she handle finances? Can she manage with what
you would provide? Or are her tastes beyond your
means?
- Checking
family background may be useful for both parties.
It might reveal often certain aspects of behavior
or patterns which may disturb later.
- Recognize
your partner's attitude to marital union. Does your
partner have a healthy understanding of this relationship?
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Marriage preparation
- The
sacrament of marriage.
- The
responsibilities in relationship.
- Dying
to the single way of life and understanding
marital union.
- Communication
in marriage as a bond of union.
- Forgiveness
as a means of being open to one another, sharing
and caring.
- Avoiding
selfishness and being the boss.
- Developing
a document that will be the basis for the marriage.
Married
life and on-going formation
- Continuing
the process of discovery, sharing and communication.
- Need
for union of mind, forgiveness and mutual respect.
- Family
Rosary, prayer, going to Mass as a family.
- Relying
on the Providence of God in all things.
- Mutual
support and building each other.
- Scheduling
time for fun, togetherness and sharing.
- Seeking
to serve others, especially the poor and needy.
- Choosing
friends who will foster mutual relationships.
- Avoid
anything that would be a source of dissention.
- Recognize
each other's spiritual path and aid the other
on the road to perfection.
- Compassion
- Tolerance
- Perseverance
- Establishing
your own traditions and rituals as a couple
and as a family (e.g. when we sit down for dinner
- Ariana insists that we place a setting for
God - complete with napkin and utensils - so
God is always with us)
- Patience
& Appreciation for each others differences
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Copyright © 1995 - 2006, SOLT Ministries, Bosque, New Mexico. All
rights reserved
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